Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Gave Birth
I originally wrote this when B.G. was three months old. (At the time of publishing, she’s ten months. These things take time!) She is laying next to me on a blanket as I type because, about ninety percent of the time, she fusses if she’s not close enough to touch me. My postpartum period has been difficult, as I am sure countless other women would agree.
Yet, I wonder, why does what might happen during this time of a woman's life seem to be such a well-guarded secret?
Top Ten Things I Wish I Knew Before I Gave Birth:
Recovery takes a long time. Of course, there were some factors that may have contributed to my recovery taking a long time. I had an unexpected C-Section. Major surgery takes a while to recover from! I’m thirty-nine years old. If I had my baby ten years ago, my recovery may have been faster. Though I eat fairly well, I’m an anxious non-eater who sometimes forgets to eat, so it’s possible my body didn’t have all of the reserves it could have had to recover quickly. Similarly, though I’m quite active, I’m not that strong and my muscles tend to be quite tight. If I had been in great shape, recovery may have been more smooth.
All of this being said, I don’t think my story is unique. And yet, I somehow expected to bounce back quickly. I was envisioning taking my daughter to the park regularly and working outside in my little stoop garden while she snoozed in her stroller-bassinet. Instead, it was almost three months before I was able to walk further than just around the block with her. I was surprised at the lack of physical energy I had for the first several weeks. Even after my reserves returned, lower back pain (from four hours of pushing that didn’t even result in a natural birth) kept me from doing a lot. Even though I knew that walking would actually help me heal, taking more than a few steps was excruciating.
Pelvic floor pain is real. When I was pregnant, a coworker who was also pregnant, recommended pelvic floor physical therapy before I gave birth. It sounded reasonable, as the baby pushes against the pelvis to make their way into the world. I asked my OB about it, and she asked why I thought I would need it. I couldn’t give a solid answer, other than, “It sounds like a good idea.” She said it was unnecessary, but put in a recommendation for a therapist anyway. My insurance wouldn’t cover it–perhaps because my doctor said it was unnecessary, or perhaps because my insurance company decided it was not needed–and would cost me about three hundred dollars. I cancelled the appointment.
I sincerely wish I had not. I have a lot of pressure in my pelvic region now. It feels similar to a UTI. I’ve been doing Kegel stretches, which have helped, but what if the therapy done prior to giving birth had eliminated this discomfort altogether? An ounce of prevention and all that.
Birth trauma is real. When I finally got in to see a chiropractor to help with the back pain, I described a little of my daughter’s labor and delivery to the doctor. “Wow, was that traumatic for you?” she asked. “Yes, very,” I replied. By three months, I think I can safely say I am past the emotional turmoil, thanks to biweekly Zoom sessions with a counselor. Though I had a great health care team and B.G. (Baby Girl) was born healthy, I felt traumatized when thinking about her birth from the many hours of pushing and the enduring pain afterwards. Despite all of this effort, I was unable to birth her naturally and had a C-Section. My therapist helped me see this as grief, not shame, as I didn’t do anything “wrong” during labor. Once I changed my mind set to grief, I was able to process it.
Before giving birth, my midwife asked if I had a history of anxiety or depression, as these were precursors for Postpartum Depression. I said I tend to be quite anxious and so she arranged to give me a call two weeks after B.G. was born. Because she reached out, I was able to get connected with the therapist. If you're struggling emotionally after birth, please talk to someone, mama.
Breastfeeding isn’t always intuitive, or even sustainable, for mama or baby. When I was pregnant, I remember thinking that I would of course breastfeed my baby. And then B.G. was born and, like so many things, life was different than how I imagined it. I’ll go more into detail in another post, but to sum it up, I ended up formula-feeding. If you are having difficulty with breastfeeding, talk with a lactation consultant.
Hormones can really be a roller-coaster ride. Everyone talks about pregnant women being hormonal and the mood swings that can come with it. I didn’t cry so much during my pregnancy, but afterwards? I probably cried about ten times a day during the first month. This is normal and the hormones start to even out after a while. (B.G. probably thought I cried as much as she does!)
Water is so important. When I was pregnant, I really tried to make hydration a priority, but after giving birth? I think I drank triple the amount of water each day in the beginning. I was constantly thirsty, but it was so important, especially when I was pumping. Additionally, my body just needed the extra water for recovery. My chiropractor had to remind me of this, actually, as I’ve forgotten lately to hydrate.
Incision pain will return. About three weeks after I had my C-Section, after the bandage had been removed (which was also quite traumatic for me) and the incision was healed–or I thought it was healed–and I was taking short walks around the block with B.G., searing pain returned to my abdominal region. It was short-lived but intense. I contacted my midwife to ask if it was something to be concerned about. “No,” she said. “You’re in pain again because you’re more active now.”
Watch out for the first period after giving birth. My period came back three months postpartum. Before getting pregnant, my periods were relatively light. I had cramps, but they came mostly just at night. But that first period after giving birth? It was heavy, almost as heavy as the lochia. (If you don’t know what this is, it is basically when you bleed, period-like for four-to-six-weeks after giving birth. Talk to your healthcare provider about it before you give birth. Have on hand disposable underwear, heavy pads, and a peri bottle.) Anyway, the first period. It was heavy and there were painful cramps. My daughter had just had her first round of shots the day before, so she was extra sleepy. We spent the day on the couch together.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions! In both my own recovery and with B.G.’s development, we had a lot of questions. We live in a time that medical professionals are available via Instant Message and phone calls, and for general questions, don’t be afraid to reach out. Of course, if something is obviously wrong, go directly to a medical professional. But doctors and nurses hear it all and I don’t think any question will phase them. Ask the questions, even if it’s just to put your mind at ease.
None of this went as planned. As I mentioned, I had an unplanned C-Section and I ended up not being able to breastfeed. These two things took me some time to deal with and to grieve the loss of. I had to accept that while they may have been the “best” things, they weren’t the best for us. I am so thankful we live in an age where medical technology allowed me to still have a healthy, happy baby!
And I am on my way to being healthy and happy too.
Thanks for reading!
💜
Laura
