October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Before I was pregnant with S, I had a miscarriage. Because miscarriage is so common, I would like to commemorate each October with a blog post on this subject.
Pink and blue ribbon for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness
If you have personally experienced one, I am sending you a hug. I don't know what you believe about spiritually, what happens to our babies who could not stay. Personally, I believe that it was not the right time for our little girl to be born and she had to go back and try again a little later. If this resonates with you, feel free to adopt it, but I'm certainly not trying to convince anyone of anything.
I just want to say that wherever our precious babies are, however far along you were, their lives mattered. 💜
If Someone You Know Has Had a Miscarriage
If you know someone who has recently had a miscarriage, here are some things that helped me:
Check-in texts: Friends sent texts saying something like, “Hi, just checking on you.” This is non-intrusive and doesn't require an immediate response—just a gentle reminder that someone cares.
Book Lists: A friend of mine compiled and sent me a list of books on Amazon that address the subject of miscarriage. Since it's so personal, she didn't want to send me a book that didn't quite hit the mark, but with a pre-made list, it meant that I didn't have to do this research on my own.
A little gift: One of my good friends lived several states away at the time and couldn't come in person. She sent me a little gift instead. It was a simple way to let me know she was thinking of me even though she couldn't be there.
Comments That Weren't Helpful
There are also things people may say with good intentions that can hurt:
“At least you can get pregnant!”
“You can always try again.”
“When are you going to try again?”
“You were only pregnant. You didn't lose an actual baby.”
“At least you weren't far along.”
Rather than trying to find a silver lining, just hold space for the person's grief.
If you have suffered a loss of a pregnancy or an infant, my condolences, Mama.
Thanks for reading!
💜
Laura
